~~I posted this in my heath blog, but decided to post here also, for those friends of mine that I so desperately want to share with~~

 
~*~This just fucking sucks! I just really HATE most days of my life!~*~
Let me give you a set-up of yesterday:
Run to Value City- 15 minutes in store
Run to Walgreen’s- @ 15 min at store
Run to Walgreen’s #2- to check out to ask question- @ 1 minute
Run to Schnucks - @ 10 min at store
All stores have AC and so does my car..... Best friend has my children....
This trip took somewhere around 3 hours.
During my time out, I lost my vision TWICE- COMPLETELY gone- while driving. Thank goddess this only last for seconds but what seems like many minutes.
I vomited on two parking lots.....how f*cking embarrassing.........
In Value City and also in Walgreen’s, I shit myself.....had to use their bathrooms to clean up and let my body finish dumping whatever it was dumping- cuz at this time I am sure I had nothing left to dump.
I lost complete control of my right leg, just did not have the ability, energy, strength??? to swing it any more.
I saw a very bad accident...I KNEW I saw it, but my memory was so gone or my mind was that as soon as the accident happened {RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME} I forgot it happened....I had to turn around to make sure what I saw actually happened. OMG! It was bad and I was almost in the middle of it.
On the way to get my children I almost rear-ended a brand new car...{second lose of vision} No I should not be driving, but who the hell is going to do it for me???? YOU???  {bllllahhahahhahahahah  cough}

By the time I get to my friends home, I stunk, I had nausea, was dizzy, it hurt to move my jaw so I could not eat or drink and every time I tried to swallow, I choked, just completely out of it. I felt so bad cuz she had my kids for that long and I had to take them and run.
When I got home I spent hours with my ass on the toilet and my head in the tub.....my body turning inside out....and this clammy, sticky, slim oozing from my pores.
This is the first time in about a year that my eyes acted up at night.
Let me add that I go through all of this about once a month, more often than that in the summertime.

I went to bed last night and this is what was going through my mind...........

I AM GREATFUL THAT  {gratitude list of body only}

I CAN STILL WALK
I CAN SEE THE BEAUTY IN NATURE
I CAN SMELL THE FLOWERS ON THE HILLS {MOUNTAINS-even though I can’t make it up a mountain}
I CAN EAT - UNASSISTED
I CAN STILL LOVE AND BE LOVED
I DO HAVE A SANE AND RATIANAL MIND
I CAN MAKE CLEAR DECISIONS
I HAVE ONE NUMB LEG {that way when I walk on rocks or hot lava, only one foot hurts!}
I HAVE WONDERFUL FRIENDS IN MY LIFE WHO ARE HERE TO HELP ME
I CAN SHOWER BY MYSELF {at one time I could NOT do this}
I HAVE TEN FINGERS TO TYPE WITH AND PICK MY NOSE IN TRAFFIC WITH
I HAVE A BEAUTIFUL BODY, EVEN THOUGH IT IS }big} & BROKEN
I HAVE SCARS, THEY ADD CHARACTER
I HAVE TEETH! And THEY DO NOT HURT
I DO NOT HAVE AIDS OR CANCER OR MS, MD, OR ANY OF THE OTHER MORE PAINFUL DISEASES OUT THERE THAT MANY, MANY OTHER PEOPLE SUFFER FROM!

YES, I am broken and sick and in pain a lot of the time but I thank God for everything he has given to me and I thank God for every morning that I wake up with my eyes bouncing uncontrollably in their sockets, for every time my body turns itself inside out. It sucks, it really does, but I am so very happy that I have pulled though it as long as I have, I would not have missed or changed a thing!