~Clears Throat~

I am back online and I do not plan on going off line again at all - EVER.
Geez, the withdraws are nerve-racking.

So.....What has been going on with me for the past month or so? Not sure where to start. ~Sigh~
Ok, I made it though Xmas only because we had a family adopt my kids and my parents bought them quite a bit, otherwise they would have not received anything at all. Oh YEAH and someone else got them something , but I will add that later.

I turned 34, was in severe pain, started self mutilation which relieved the pain. Kinda like having someone stomp on my foot so I do not feel the pain in my arm. Anyway, I began to understand the reason why teenagers "cut".
Before you ask, NO I am not a cutter, I probably would be-or worse- if it hadn't been for my doctors. No one cared to even understand what I was going though except them and then that was only when I could barely even walk into the office.
So, for my New Years gift I was given 12 medications to choke down everyday. With 2 NEW diagnose'.

I was also given the pain of loss. A gift for being honest with a person whom I believed understood and loved me. I was in so much physical, emotional and spiritual pain I asked to be given some time apart from her. In return, she took away 20 years of our lives and smeared my name. ~sigh~ Nothing last forever.
She is the other "santa" to the children this year. I thank her for the charity. I was so determined to return these gifts from her, for I know that is what she would have done, but I know she loves these children and they love her. I am not that heartless.

My phone and internet had been turned off due to non-payment, my electric too. They tried to cut the gas but they are not allowed to turn that off until March.
Blood from a turnip is just not possible. I get SSI- 683$/mnth....RENT = $600...shall I say more? I REFUSE to do the same ol' thing in getting a man to fall in lust and move in with me, I would rather suffer, thank you.

I have begun the fight of getting the Child Support owed to me, but history tells me that his deadbeat ass will be thrown in jail before he sends me a dime.

I have also started the divorce, which will also be a fight cuz I am going to ask for alimony.

I have never been a bitch like this, pushing people for what is RIGHTLY owed to me, but I am old, I am sick and I am tired. I have 3 children- 2 pre-teens, one teenager. They need to be taken care of, this is rightly owed to THEM as well!

Not like I haven't been doing my part here. Actually I should be dead or at least completely bed-ridden. Instead I have been working from home, have an industrial sewing machine that a dear friend "fronted me". I have been sewing, but the company I now sew for does not seem to be working out.

I miss my girls so much- the girls I go out with. The band, the laughter, the fun. It has made me feel lonely to not be able to get outta here. ~blah~

So now that you have read though the sad shit- wanna hear how it is picking up?

Well, February is looking up as the people who love me are here with me helping when they can. My dad has....

taken care of my phone so that the kids have one.
My landowner {whom everyone things is a bastard} has just bought me a new Frigidaire refrigerator, gave me cable TV with ALL the movie channels {a feed off his box, legally since this is a commercial building} and FREE cable internet.

My mom, Goddess bless her soul, is on Full-Flu alert, and has bought the over-the-counter meds the kids need to beat this crap that is going around. So far Manna is the only one who has caught it and instead of her fever going down, it has been going UP.
Mom also keeps me in the necessities such as TP, snack foods, gas for the car and CIGS!
No matter how mad I get at her, she is the glue that holds me here!
I have thought over the past week that the kids are now old enough to not need me and I can go.... but here I stay because of that glue. No matter how old you get, you always need your mom I guess.

So-There is an update for ya, hope it wasn't too boring or depressing. I will update again soon- like tomorrow ~wink~