Ok, what is THIS emotion???

John got paid today, which is a freaking blessing, but John had told the kids that he would buy some things for them. Ummmm okay then........

All of the sudden I had this emotion wash over me and I don't know why.

John bought the girls a $30 CD player and Zac got a Spiderman2 PS2 game.
Out of nowhere I start to cry and John was really concerned. We settled on that I was feeling guilty. Spending money makes me feel VERY guilty. For 2 years I pinched pennies and borrowed money and wasn't able to buy "extras" for my family.
~sigh~
I also haven't gotten my hair cut since the brain surgeries, so we stopped of at Great Clips and I got 3" cut off and my hair is no longer hay-like.

So, I stopped crying but I think I still feel guilty. It is going to be really hard for me to have money. Money to pay bills, to get hair cuts, to get "extras", TO PAY BILLS- wow!

Anyway, it is time for John to get to work.
I am gonna do some things around here tonight so I don't feel guilty or feel like a mooch.
I am his wife, why do I feel like a mooch???