Well St Louis has survived it's first winter storm of the year but barely.

I have been baking this afternoon as I dance with the electricity that has been going on and off in my building. I am guessing that old buildings just do not like the quick winter change that has been dropped on us.
This is the first time I have been able to boot up the computer without fear, not like I really had any time to be on line today anyway.

I started my morning with the kiddos, first going up to the school for an...



assembly. Samantha got Honor Roll and I never miss an opportunity to gloat, so I was present for that with bells on.

Left from there to finish up paper work as I got the job at school. It is part time and a couple hours a day. I will be posting more about employment soon.

Then I went to the VAMPS at the lab so they could suck out SIX vial's of blood. It was my last of my blood test for awhile, thank the gods!

Ran to the store, came home, made a lot of phone calls....business calls, ironed clothes then I was able to get my baking started for Turkey Day!

I made a Chocolate Lovers Cheese cake, a New York Style Cheese cake, Double-decker M&M brownies, Banana nut bread, and banana bread no nuts....all from scratch.

I am beat ...Nite all!

~*~Song of the Day~*~

~SONG OF THE DAY~

I was born three months too early
The doctor gave me thirty days
But I must have had my Mama's will
And God's amazing grace

I guess I'll keep on livin'
Even if this love's to die for
Cause your bags are packed and I ain't cryin'
You're walkin' out and I'm not tryin'
To change your mind cause I was born to be

The baby girl without a chance
A victim of circumstance
The one who out to give up
But she's just too hard headed
A single mom who works two jobs
Who loves her kids and never stops
With gentle hands and the heart of fighter
I'm a survivor

I don't believe in self pity
It only brings your down
Maybe the queen of broken hearts
But I don't hide behind the crown
When the deck is stacked against me
I just play a different game

My roots are planted in the past
Although my life is changin' fast
Who I am is who I wanna be

The baby girl without a chance
A victim of circumstance
The one who out to give up
But she's just too hard headed
A single mom who works two jobs
Who loves her kids and never stops
With gentle hands and the heart of fighter
I'm a survivor


Survivor ~Reba

~*~Too Good To Be True~*~

Remember this post?
Well, turns out that David is a pretty good bull-shitter and played me for an idiot.
I feel like such a jerk....A fool might be a better word.
I worked for him for a week only. Half of this week was with broken machines and the other half was actual sewing, dissecting, trying to figure out patterns and then helping the new girl as much as possible with more machine problems. Needless to say I didn't get a damn thing done and what I did get done looked like shit. I was not happy with my work and neither was David. I was honest with him about the upset over the machines and what problems they where causing but I may as well been talking to a damn wall.

A day after the machines were fixed, a Rumanian woman came in to work.
David can get away with paying immigrants much less than us Americans and so he picked to hire her for factor work over me.

I talked to him about this and he decided to let me home sew for piece work. Better for me , I thought, I could rest when I needed and have more smoke breaks.

That was over two weeks ago. I haven't heard from David for almost a week. I call everyday leaving messages and I get no return calls. Mom says he must have enough help. That is fine with me if he does, I can get work elsewhere, I mean it took all of a couple hours to find his ass. My peeve is that I think he should at least be MAN enough to tell me to my face that he no longer needs my assistance. I will not give up until he meets me face to face here. I deserve that much respect.

~*~Line 'em Up DOC I Can Take It~*~

This just might be the most confusing post ever cuz I am buzzin' good on sum FLEXERIL! ummm good stuff that!

So if you are interested in my doctor's visit from today, I will try my bestest not to loose ya, aye.....
follow me.....--->


For a couple three months now I have been seeing my doc, sweet lady she is and not one to just jump to DX a patient. In my eyes this is a blessing as I am very used to doctors just giving me drugs for no reason just to shut me up. Dr O'Brien has taken her time to run test, many test {insert eye roll here} ~I hate test~to find out why I have been acting and feeling like I am 95 instead of 33.

Let me give you just a small bit-o-background here.

In 1996 I was DX with Pseudotumor Cerebri {ouchie} VERY painful indeed and it took seven years and
I BEAT IT! It is now in remission and has been for a year! Cuz I AM all that and a bad o' Dill Pickle chips!

In 1998 I was DX with Arnold Chiari Malformation. WAYYY too much drama and pain to list here. I had my last brain surgery for this about a year & a half ago and it seems that I have beaten that too! YAY ME!!
I have been mostly pain free {as I possibly can be} for a good 3 months now.
~I have a very old diary if you are interested in surgeries and such go HERE~

So after nine years of pain, drugs, and over 18+ torturous surgeries I wanna get on with my life and BLAHHHHH..... I can't move. I have no energy, I have pain, I have mood swings.....and everything else.... hence the test.

So today I go get my DX from my beautiful Doctor friend.
YES! You guessed it.... It is yet another
UNKNOWN FLIPPEN {where the HELL did THIS one come from} ILLNESS........

FIBROMYOLGIA.

What the hell did I sign up for in this damn lifetime?? I am one of God's humble guinea pigs? If so, can I have Immunity now, PLEASE I have been a good girl!

Oh PHEHHHHHH.... POO on you dreadful unknown's, I beat two serious ones, this is not so damn bad. So I am tired and I hurt, at least I can now smoke marijuana legally.... well, in California anyway!

I have been so damn lazy lately. Has anybody else been going through feeling just plain ol’ listless? I have no idea what is wrong with me. My diet isn’t THAT bad, I have been taking my meds the right way and I have been sleeping.
~sigh~
As a result, this weekend has been quite the drag. I have put off moving my bedroom around for the new dressers and sewing machine and now I have forced myself to get it done in just a couple of hours. Not such a bad job, at least my room is clean, just that I have no storage here at all and I have a hell of a lot to store.

As soon as money starts to roll in, I am expanding my living space. The landowner told me today that I can spread across the hall to his place {after he moves of course} which gives me a huge office, extra kitchen, third full bathroom and I can even have my bedroom there. Leaving my actual apartment doors unlocked is not a problem as the bottom doors are always locked with dead bolts.

The more I think of this possibility, the more I like it. The kids would just be out of their minds with excitement. It would be like having their place in a way. Even though I would be here in this side of the building just as much as I am now, it would give them so much more room. I just think it would be so cool to be able to go to school at 10 years old and tell my friends I had my own place! That is just about…maybe…. almost the truth-yes?

Ahhh yes, I am a dreamer and I do so love my dreams. It will be awhile before we see what happens with expanding the living space. I really do not like living in an ancient, drafty building but I love living here because I basically get whatever I want.

Even my own BDSM Dungeon in the basement……. but that will be for a different post.

Song of the day, week, past couple of months.....
Fits me so VERY WELL right now, every word! I sing it often and with very loud passion as often as possible. Lyrics on the "read more" link......

Kelly Clarkson
~Break Away~


Grew up in a small town,
And when the rain would fall down,
I'd just stare out my window.
Dreaming of what could be,
And if I'd end up happy,
I would pray.

Try not to reach out,
But when I tried to speak out,
Felt like no-one could hear me.
Wanted to belong here,
But something felt so wrong here.
So I'd pray,
I could break away.

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly,
I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky,
And I'll make a wish, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Out of the darkness and into the sun,
But I won't forget all the ones that I love.
I'll take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.

Wanna feel the warm breeze,
Sleep under a palm tree,
Feel the rush of the ocean,
Get onboard a fast train,
Travel on a jetplane,
Fall away, and break away.

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly,
I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky,
Gotta make a wish, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Out of the darkness and into the sun,
I won't forget all the ones that I love.
I've gotta take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.

Building with a 100 floors,
Swinging with revolving doors,
Maybe I don't know where they'll take me.
But I gotta keep moving on moving on,
Fly away, break away.

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly,
Tho its not easy to tell you goodbye.
Gotta take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Out of the darkness and into the sun,
But I won't forget the place I come from.
I've gotta take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.

Break away, break away

*~*~Pondering my life with Stevie Ray Vaughn & Everlast*~*~

The readers I do have don’t know much about me from my post. There is an actual reason for this….. It is because I don’t........ didn’t know much about me, so how could I post?

Right now I know that I need to start talking about my life, yes ME, cuz I DO MATTER!
Right now I also know that there is plenty I cannot face.
Right now there is heap of hooey I need to dig though.
Right now I am a couple months into my hooey excavation and doing remarkable!

Beginning with a short version of the hooey heap…..

Today I am living with my three beautifully intelligent children. I am so very proud of all three of them.

{{For those who don’t know}} I am disabled, have headaches daily that I deal with very well. Been doing this every day for 9 years. I have 6 titanium plates holding my brain in place and I think that is pretty damn cool. Don’t you?

My bills are out of this world HIGH….example…. Ameren UE $1,112.82.
Now this is actually was closer to $1400.00 but with my $20 I was able to pay every once in a while, it has dropped. I still have Gas, Phone, KIDS, food, gas for the car, the cats and rent. My income has been $683/mnth from SSI. YUP that is all….my RENT alone is $600, leaving a WHOPPING $83 for all the rest. ~sigh~
I am here, happy and we are all healthy so I do not complain- unless I am on the phone with S. ~kissz2U~

Over a year ago, I left my husband. This is one I am unable to talk about at this time.
He had problems, which meant, of course, WE had problems. I still tend to blame myself for things I should never own with him, but I am getting through it. He has recently started to call me again, this time with urgency about signing divorce papers. I am not willing to let him sign off of our lives without him acknowledging what he did to me.
That is not fair to ME, as said before – I DO MATTER! I am now ~finally~ not willing to let others hurt me and then move on with their happy lil lives thinking they did no wrong.

Ever take a break from a friendship? How about a 20-year friendship? It is an extremely hard decision that I forced myself to make. Now, I hear ya askin’…..
Why the break?? Well, I have a tendency to get completely enthralled in other people moods- not their lives, but their moods. I would totally let this affect how I am, act, and deal.
Not sure why I do....…..did this before but I am done doing it now. Not only done with it but I am ready to investigate why.

See, I never gave myself the chance to know me...I never felt that I was ever worth knowing. I have no idea why I do what I do, why I pick the friends I do, why I can’t express myself. In many ways I somewhat feel disposable. Why is this?? I WILL FIND OUT! I am on a mission!

Starting tonight I will be using this blog as a growth journal. It is hoped that I will see answers not only in my actions but also in my type.

**In a Poetic Mood**
This poem goes out to ONE person in my life, one person whom I have never even met face to face. He has only been in my life a short time but has already made such a huge impact. Truly it makes all the difference when you are ABLE to talk to someone and then…. they actually HEAR what you have to say. I can truly say that I have, also, one “golden” friend that hears me. The difference between these two wonderful people are one is also a teacher to me. These thoughts tonight go to the one who knows who I am even though, right now, I do not.

Patrick, you are truly one of God’s greatest gifts to this world. Thank you for being apart of mine!

~To A Friend~

You entered my life in a casual way,
And saw at a glance what I needed;
There were others who passed me or met me each day,
But never a one of them heeded.
Perhaps you were thinking of other folks more,
Or chance simply seemed to decree it;
I know there were many such chances before,
But the others-well, they didn’t see it.

You said just the thing I wished you would say,
And you made me believe that you meant it;
I held up my head in the old gallant way,
And resolved you should never repent it.
There are times when encouragement means such a lot,
And a word is enough to convey it;
There were others who could have, as easy as not-
But, just the same, they didn’t say it.

There may have been someone who could have done more
To help me along, though I doubt it;
What I needed was cheering, and always before
They had let me plod onward without it.
You helped me refashion the dream of my heart,
And made me turn eagerly to it;
There where others who might have (I question that part)-
But, after all, they didn’t do it!

~What I Live For~

I live for those who love me,
Whose hearts are kind and true;
For the Heaven that smiles above me,
And awaits my spirit too;
For the human ties that bind me,
For the task by God assigned me,
For the bright hopes yet to find me,
And the good that I can do.

I live to learn their story
Who suffered for my sake;
To emulate their glory,
And follow in their wake;
Bards, patriots, martyrs, sages,
The heroic of all ages,
Whose deeds crowd History’s pages,
And Time’s great volume make.

I live to hold communion
With all that is divine,
To feel there is a union
‘Twixt Nature’s heart and mine;
To profit by affliction,
Reap truth from fields of fiction,
Grow wiser from conviction,
And fulfill God’s grand design.

I live to hail the season
By gifted ones foretold,
When men shall live by reason,
And not alone by gold;
When man to man united,
And every wrong thing righted,
The whole world shall be lighted
As Eden was of old.

I live for those who love me,
For those who know me true,
For the Heaven that smiles above me,
And awaits my spirit too;
For the cause that lacks assistance,
For the wrong that needs resistance,
For the future in the distance,
And the good that I can do.

~~George Linnaeus Banks




This poem was written in the 1800's but I find it fits who I am becoming so very well now. I am seeing myself; the life around me change so much. Think I might make it a "wallpaper" for my monitor so I can read it daily. ;)
Just thought I would share. I hope you like it too.

Uz a wanksta! Listening to 50 cent at the moment?
Always have fun, but don't get into too much
trouble!


~ What kind of messed up barbie are you?~ the ORIGINAL version
brought to you by Quizilla

~*~My Joys~*~

For those of you that know my babies; I have updated pictures of them for you to see. These where taken at Halloween. They had such a great time and hit the jackpot on candy as usual.
Here is B as a witch.........
Here is S as a Gypsy {thankx to S}......
Here is Z as a Ninja.

~Funnies~
My sis-n-law keeps me in stitches through email. I thought I would share a few links with you so you can smile too! It is a good thing to do on a Sunday night!

#1 click here ---> Baby Powder

#2 Click here --->Scratch n Sniff

I LOVE to get the kiddos in here {after I have seen these first} It cracks me up to see their reaction!

I hope you enjoy!

HOW TO AVOID THE FLU - It's gets better at the end!

Eat right! Make sure you get your daily dose of fruits and veggies.-

Take your vitamins and bump up your vitamin c.

Get plenty of exercise because exercise helps build your immune
system.

Walk for at least an hour a day, go for a swim, take the stairs
instead of the elevator, etc.

Wash your hands often. If you can't wash them, keep a bottle
of antibacterial stuff around. -

Get lots of fresh air. Open windows whenever possible.

Get plenty of rest.

Try to eliminate as much stress from your life as you can.

OR ...
You can take the doctors office approach. Think about it,
when you go for a shot, what do they do first? Clean your arm with
alcohol.

Why? Because alcohol kills germs.

So...... I walk to the liquor store (exercise), I put lime in
my Miller Genuine Draft (fruit), celery in my Bloody Mary (veggies),
drink on the bar patio (fresh air), get drunk, tell jokes, and laugh (eliminate stress) and then pass out (rest).
The way I see it, if you keep your alcohol levels up flu germs can't get you!!!!

Seems that I confused some readers on the past couple of post. I have had it explained to them since but for those who are still scratching there heads, let me reiterate. I have a few hidden buttons deep inside of my soul that are really hard to push. During the elections these buttons where found on a blog I formally enjoyed reading about my lifestyle. These bloggers, most not even being American, started banning those people who's comments they didn't agree with. Anyway, long story short, I had a great time with that whole thing, it is not something you see in me but once ever 5-10 years maybe and it is over. I said my peace.

So now, back to normal blogcasting.......

You Are a Life Blogger!

Your blog is the story of your life - a living diary. If it happens, you blog it. And make it as entertaining as possible.

What kind of blogger are you?

Another comment that I posted to a blog....unfortunatly I must take up room here to REpost my comments as they are often cut where I originally posted.

ENJOY and plz feel free to comment.

You have my word that YOU will be heard!

"Interesting how original comments are cut here so that the owner can slice & dice the parts she wants to use in getting "support" from her readers.
This is exactly why, Bliatz, I also posted the ORIGINAL comment to my blog, as I knew this already went on here. I want people to hear what I have to say.
Rose, I happen to be a very learned writer, dear. In posting to blogs of this nature, I see a need to write down to be heard. Obviously it worked.
As far as attacking people, at least I go to the source, not stalking them, hunting them down on others blogs and posting attacks completely non related to the post commented on.
Emotions have always played a major part in politics, you are correct, congrats on your studies.
Now it might be different where you are, as I see that some of you are not even Americans and I have no idea how you can even fathom having any idea what goes on here. I will freely admit I have no idea what goes on in your back yard.
We have liberated women here conducting themselves as gluttons, believing that men owe them, that the world owes them. Some even screaming prejudice because at one time we were not allowed to vote. This is very demeaning to me as a woman. These same men fought for our rights as women and we are now walking all over them, something is not right there. The emotions that women spew are of a completely different tone than those of men. We are hateful with our words, hateful with our feelings even hateful towards each other, as seen in this blog, and IMHO this type of behavior has no place in politics.
Lastly, I find it intriguing that you find it perfectly acceptable to attack others on your blog, but can't stand wearing the shoe on the other foot. Bravo, girls. You know, sometimes, it is just not pleasant to look in that mirror and see who you truly are."

Thank goodness the voting is over!
I voted on Saturday and watching TV since then was hell.
I am sure that other absentee voters agree.
I mean, we already picked who we wanted and now we are forced to watch the political commercials. Is it me or are they getting even more of an angry tone in them?
~sigh~

anyway, I find myself praying for the VERIZON GUY! PLEASE let me hear those words! They would be like music to my ears right now........


CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?