I had a high school sweetheart. He was beautiful! Adonis type, mulatto with long curls, very popular. We stayed together (on and off) for seven years. His family saved me from mine. He had a wonderful mother, very loving, earth mother who had a large family, a full time job and husband and gave 100% of herself to all of them. She sadly passed away in 1992. She always welcomed me with open arms into her home and life and I always felt loved. Pops {her husband} was the typical laid back type of husband. Loving, caring didn't put up with too much shit. Sadly he passed away also.
I was with my sweetheart through many life changes. We grew up together, learned together, grieved and celebrated together. He is the father of my first born. During my pregnancy is when his mom grew ill. It was very hard on him and he turned more towards drugs as I was turning away from them. It tore us apart and it was not pretty. I ended up the "bitch", the black sheep of all his friends and family. I have always felt that the decisions I made where the right ones for my unborn child and I have never regretted them. I ended up homeless and pregnant. Moved into 2 homeless shelters and somehow got back on my feet with a new baby, on my own in this world. He was not seen again until I looked him up when she was 3 years old. When she turned 7, she made the decision to find him fro herself and we looked him up again. He never hung around long, never gave much of himself. No help, no support of any kind and I never asked for any.
Last night I had a dream about him. About the passion, spontaneity, little flirts of our relationship. I miss it. I do not miss HIM, I miss what I had then. What ever happened to the deep kissing? Calming caresses? Little looks? Passionate love-making that we used to have when we were in young relationships?? Is it just that when we get older we forget how?? Or are we just too damn busy to even bother??
I had to think about this all day to make sure that it wasn't him that I missed. To settle myself enough so that I didn't jump on here and look him up again. I know he is not the only one that can give me this passion- or is he?? I haven't had it since.... Or do I think this simply because I know that I can look him up and have him here tonight so that I can be fulfilled for one night?? Has he felt the passion since me?? I know we felt the same thing together, we spoke of it often. Do people my age ever feel this passion anyway or is it just a dream?